The universe certainly has a sense of humour…

August 15, 2008 at 1:49 pm Leave a comment

So not more than 48 hours after I post about feeling somewhat restless at my current place of employment do I get a job offer – out of nowhere.  And while it’s not an official offer (more of a “we’re looking for someone and thought of you, you interested?”) it definitely makes me think.  The company I work for bagged it’s biggest contract EVER just yesterday and since we’ve gotten that contract I’ve been super excited just because I know what a challenge it’s going to be.  This new contract almost made me instantly say “thanks, but no thanks” to the offer, but now I’m thinking that I at least need to spend a couple of days mulling it over.  The offer would mean a job in my field, while working for a company I’m familiar with.  The downfall would be being five hours away from Alex permanently, and as we talk more about moving forward with our relationship it just seems like that would leave us stuck where we are. 

We’ve been in a long distance relationship for nearly three years because we both travel for work (and are involved in the same field).  We’ve been talking about buying a house together because it would mean somewhere to come home to on weekends that was ours.  And it makes sense financially when money is being thrown away on rent.  The problem is, I was raised very conservatively and I never pictured myself living with someone, especially not buying a house with someone before I got married.  The problem is that Alex has always said that he wouldn’t propose until we lived together – something that makes me feel like in order to get what I want I have to play by his rules, and that’s not fair.  And I still sometimes wonder if it is what I want.  I’m 24 and I really shouldn’t be in a rush to settle down, but I feel like time is passing me by.  As I see friends getting married and having kids I realize just how much I want that.  Not right this second, but I want to at least know that it’s in the near future.  And I know with Alex it will be, as long as I play by his rules.  I know he wants to marry me, but I wonder if he is more sure than I am.  I know everyone has doubts, but I wonder how you know when your doubts are just too much?

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