Growing up. Growing away.
As I’ve mentioned before Alex and I are house hunting. A process which easily seems to be never-ending. I keep hearing everyone saying that it’s a buyer’s market which, is true in some ways but there’s nothing out there to buy! We’ve been seriously looking for the last 8 months and were casually looking for at least a year before that and still nothing. It’s been frustrating to say the least but I don’t think I was really prepared for the emotional aspect of it. The excitement of being able to build a home somewhere and finally feel like I can nest contrasted with the panic that the day we buy the house it’ll flood, or the pipes will burst or the furnace will blow up. I think this roller coaster of emotion is pretty normal for most house hunters but I never anticipated how much additional stress my family would cause.
My parents think I should live in the same town as them.
I love my parents, I really do but I don’t think I would like them anymore if we lived in the same area. My brother lives in the same town as my mom and dad and my parents are always at his house. He’ll work all day and my parents will call the instant he and his family sit down to dinner. If the ignore the phone my parents will drop by just to make sure everything is okay. Alex and I stayed at my brother’s one weekend to look after his son and my parents called five times and stopped by twice. It was overwhelming. If Alex and I ever end up in a car with my parents it’s inevitable that they’ll drive us around and show us all of the nice houses for sale – in their town. My dad is constantly showing Alex job ads in the local newspaper and it makes Alex feel like garbage and like his job isn’t good enough for my parents. Which is INSANE because he and my father work in the same field. I’ve even told my dad how it makes Alex feel and it’s like it went in one ear and out the other, because there he was pulling out the classifieds the next time we were there.
I know my parents just want us to be around and to spend time with their kids, but in all of my relationships it has felt like a constant tug of war between spending time with them and spending time with my boyfriend. I travel for work and my only free time is Saturday and Sunday and since that’s the only time Alex and I have together it’s hard to want to share that time. We currently only live 45 minutes away from my parents and we make sure to see them once a month and it’s still not enough for them. Last week I talked to my parents three nights in a row and my dad still said, “Keep in touch. We never hear from you anymore.” I nearly lost it. It’s such a struggle because I want to spend time with my parents because I know they’re not going to be around forever, but at the same time I’m 25 and I want my own life and when I’m around them I feel smothered.
This weekend Alex and I went and looked at a house that we actually liked. I called my parents to tell them the good news and my mom’s response to tell us to keep looking and not rush into anything. This has been her response whenever we’ve looked at a house. I finally told her how frustrating it was to hear that because it seems like she doesn’t even want us to have a house because whenever we’re excited she tells us to keep looking. I quite angrily reminded her that we haven’t exactly rushed into anything because we have been looking for almost TWO YEARS. I know the reason they want us to keep looking is because they want us to be engaged before we buy a house together, but they’re too passive aggressive to actually come out and say that. Hell, I would love to be engaged right now but the lack of a ring isn’t going to stop us from moving forward with our lives. The whole conversation left me in tears which of course made Alex mad, simply because he was defending me which makes the stress worse.
I just wish my parents would be proud of me and my accomplishments. I have a degree and a diploma, I have a good career. Alex has a good career and we both have job security which is a lot to ask for in this economy. They should be proud that we’re in a financial situation where we can actually afford a house. But they’re not.
I need advice! How do you deal with parents interfering? Have you ever been in a similar situation?