Alex and I both finish work at noon on Fridays and this Friday was especially exciting because we went and looked at a house. Surprisingly enough we finally liked one! He is signing the offer and sending it to our realtor as we speak. It’s pretty scary and intimidating but I just keep reminding myself that we have to live somewhere, so we might as well own it.
We both agreed that we were only going to get each other cards for Valentine’s Day but the deal was that we had to write something nice in it, not just “Love, Julienne”. I was pretty impressed with what I had written, but it didn’t even come close to the awesome things Alex said. I got a two page letter just because he said he couldn’t fit everything in a card. I was in tears within 10 seconds. He laughed and said I usually made it longer than that before I started crying. We spent the day running errands and looking at appliances, flooring and paint samples for our potential new house. It was pretty low key, but was just a great couple-y day and it was so nice to spend the day just the two of us doing whatever we wanted. Saturday night we were invited to go out but were both beat from running around all day so we stayed in and I made him watch When Harry Met Sally with me. Is it just me, or is everyone’s favourite part the cute old couples telling how they met? I love it.
Sunday I went to my hometown to visit my grandmother. When I got there she didn’t know who it was and my mom told her it was Julienne and she just kept looking at me and saying “She doesn’t look like Julienne, she doesn’t look like Julienne.” It broke my heart. This might sound awful but part of me wishes that I hadn’t gone to see her, because the last time I saw her she was peaceful and we spent time together just the two of us. That’s how I wanted to remember my last time seeing her. Alex says maybe I should just leave it at this (she isn’t expected to last much longer than a week or two) because right now I still have good memories. That makes sense but I know part of me will feel guilty for not taking advantage of the time I have with her while she’s still here whether that time be good or bad.
In Ontario we had a long weekend for Family Day so yesterday was dinner celebrating a friend’s birthday. We had an incredible meal and I made my specialty – Apple Caramel Cheesecake for dessert. Recipe here. It’s delicious, but if you’re going to try it out here are my adjustments. First, make your own crust. It’s super easy and takes no time at all. Second, don’t drizzle the caramel sauce over the crust (it makes the crust too chewy). Instead drizzle the caramel sauce over the cheesecake once you’ve sliced it. It tastes better and looks prettier too.
So, basically my weekend was good until last night. I’m prone to anxiety attacks and can’t really handle stress all that well and as soon as my head hit the pillow the attack started. I was just feeling really overwhelmed because of everything with my grandmother, putting in an offer an a house, worrying about my mom. My mom is retiring this week and I’m wondering how she is going to cope with such big life changes (retirement and losing a parent) so close together. Also, my dad is not supportive of Alex and I buying a house together before we get married. I totally understand where he is coming from but I think every child struggles with disappointing their parents. Basically I was a ball of nervous energy which means I spent the entire night hanging over the toilet puking my guts out. I think I only got two hours of sleep and now I’m struggling to get through the day. My throat is killing me and I broke a blood vessel in my eye from all of the dry heaving (lovely, I know).
I’ve been trying to figure out ways to keep my stress levels in check to keep myself from getting into a full blown anxiety attack, so I’d like some input. How do you keep your stress levels down, and how do you keep from worrying? What are the things you do to keep yourself calm?
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